Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's the barista slut.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
