I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
