I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Shame - the story of my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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