wrigley field is MILF paradise
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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