Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
