i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
