Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
