Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What a dumb baby whore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
