I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Drake has all the answers
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
