Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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