the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
