tell your sister to shave her snatch
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
