So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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