Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
