Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I love having hate sex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
