your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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