its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish my penis had a tongue
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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