I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
