I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
