And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
