Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
