Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
