...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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