I looked at my own cervix.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
