I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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