There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
