I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
