If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
