I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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