There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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