So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
