Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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