I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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