whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
