do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
