My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
