Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are the jesus of drinking
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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