I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
