if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
