Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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