It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
