Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
do nipples grow back?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
