Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The uberlube is also flammable
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
