I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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