Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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