I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
