It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
