Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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