I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
