24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
