He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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