did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
"it" just moved
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
