I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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