Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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