When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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