I'm jealous of your bromance
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
