if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
its liver damage thursday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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